The sight of blood…

I can’t stress how much i dislike the sight of blood. I don’t get grossed out by blood, i don’t find it any more disgusting that your average person does, at least not on a conscious level, but somewhere deep down in my psyche something really hates the sight of it.

When i was in the 6th grade we got taken on a school trip to a slaughter house. The reasoning was; as part of our religious studies we were being taught the correct (halal) way to slaughter a sheep. So in front of 26 students they slit the throat of a sheep for us. I think i was the only one who couldn’t deal with this, everyone else was cheering in that way that boys do when they are doing something cool, i just backed away as the world started to close in on me and my brain started to feel like it was contracting, doubled over trying not to pass out. I stopped eating red meat for a year after that.

I don’t know what it is, it’s not a phobia, personally I don’t think blood bothers me that much, but something in my head just seems to go “Fuck! It’s that red stuff. Let’s make him feel horrible!” I walked out of dissections in school because i felt ill, and whenever i give blood samples for tests i have to wait 15 to 20 minutes before i can stand up. When i was getting my jabs before going on holiday i was fine with the injections, it was when the nurse was looking for the place I’d been injected so she could put a plaster on it, but couldn’t, after i’d calmly said : “It’s there where the blood is coming out” that i felt queesy.

If i cut myself i can deal with it, i sawed into my finger with a steak knife while opening some packaging a while ago, ran about looking for a plaster, couldn’t find one, and ended up using a cotton bud and some electrical tape. Once the crisis was averted, i blacked out and woke up on my kitchen floor though.

Anyway, the reason I brought this up was that yesterday, while walking to the bus stop we saw a pigeon fly full speed into the glass of the bus stop, and fall to the ground. I burst out laughing,as i thought it was quite comical. The pigeon got up took a couple of tentative steps and fell over. It stopped moving, after a minute or so, as it hadn’t got up again, we thought it might be a good idea to check it was okay, as it hadn’t moved, and we were worried that some neds might kick it about.

I walked up to the pigeon to see what was up with it. It turned out that it had hit the bus stop much harder than we’d thought as it was no longer breathing and there was a little pool of blood by it’s head. I walked away and told Annabel that it was dead, then i remembered that i don’t like blood. The world started to close in on me and i had to sit down.

It’s almost as if remembering that i don’t like the sight of blood triggered the reaction. I get the same thing with heights, i’ll climb up, remember i’m afraid of heights, and just freeze. It’s messed up.

I feel a bit guilty for laughing at the pigeon as it essentially killed it’s self… Thats not why I’m posting this though, I just felt a need to express this.

Posted by Wordmobi

Dream Journal: Chocolate Nightmare & T.E.D.

I had two very odd dreams last night:
The first involved me going to a black tie dinner party with my parents and soem friends of the family. When we arrived at the party the people running were very snooty, and insulted my friend, but not much interesting happened untill the dessert course was served.
Instead of a dessert course we were dropped into a dungeon of sentient chocolate… it was rather disturbing, the chocholate attacked us and we had to make our way through caverns to try to get out. I remember thre being little chocholate chicks that came out of chocolate eggs which then attacked us and I remember there being a huge chocolate fae on a wall that bombarded us with a tidal wave of chocolate. It was quite scary I don’t think I’m going to be able to look at a dairy milk in the same way for a while.
The second dream was set in some mashup of my old flat on byres road the house I lived in in saudi when I was 10 and my current house in Glasgow. It involved the same friends of the family that were in the previous dream, so it might have been a continuation, I think I’d woken up briefly between them though.
There was some commotion happening outside on Byres road, we looked out the window and it was total chaos. People were wondering about with billboards saying that T.E.D. had happened. I think T.E.D. was The End of Days but I’m not sure…
Anyway The TV was saying that there was no point in going to work because T.E.D. was happening, and people were panicking, I was unsure whether I should go to work or not, but it was too early to call in to find out what the company line was. The door bell rang and somone opened the door with a key from the outside, it was apparently somone fromt he government, who had a key because they were from the government. They handed me a pack of stuff to do with T.E.D. One of which was a pamphlet that told us what to do in the event of T.E.D. another was a card with my name and a barcode that had somethign to do with T.E.D. the reason that I was the only person in the house to get a pack was because I was the only registered voter in the house…
The pamphlet said something about invading France, and blowing up the eifle tower because it ws hiding large fuel reserves under it or some such.
The last think I remember was flicking throught he TV trying to figure out what was happening and not findign any info about T.E.D., looking out the window and seeing TV crews interviewing people about T.E.D. on Byres road and wanting to go down there to be on TV and find out what the hell was going on.
On reflection I think T.E.D. might have been The End of Dreams, as I think I had the last bit of my dream between waking up for one alarm and snoozing my alarm for 20 minutes, I think my subconscious was trying to find some justification for staying in bed and not going to work.
It didn’t work, I’m at work now…